


Cocked Up

by Joycee



Category: White Collar
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Sexual Dysfunction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-02 14:19:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5251337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joycee/pseuds/Joycee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter starts having some medical problems of a personal nature.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cocked Up

"Hey Hon, it happens," Elizabeth sympathized understandingly. She looked sadly at Peter's limp dick.

"It's never happened to me!" Peter insisted. "I can't believe it."

"You're just tired, Hon. It'll be fine in the morning," El placated.

"What if it's not better in the morning?" agonized Peter. "What if I have goddamn erectile dysfunction now?"

El giggled, "Well, I hear they have little blue pills for that. Want me to make you an appointment with the doctor?"

Peter moaned, "No, I don't want a doctor appointment. That new young Dr. Willey already has me taking Lipitor pills for my cholesterol, Lopressor for my blood pressure and Zantac for an ulcer. I never needed all these pills in the past. For Christ sake, I'm sure this is only temporary."

El said benignly, "Hey, that's what I told you. I was only kidding about the pills."

Peter pulled her on top of him. He kissed her deeply. Then he sat up and exclaimed anxiously, "What is wrong with me?! I'm lying here in bed with my sexy wife and I can't get it up."

"Please, Peter, let's just go to sleep. I'll bet you anything it'll be better in the morning," El soothed.

"Okay, but I think I think I'll take a Sominex. Otherwise, I'll worry all night." Peter said.

"I have some Ambien left over from my last long airplane trip to California. You can have one of those. You'll go right to sleep and you won't feel any side effects in the morning," El recommended.

"I didn't even know you had those. I've never needed anything to sleep before, but I think tonight I'll take one," Peter agreed.

Peter fell asleep shortly after taking the pill, but after an hour, he had to get up to go to the bathroom. When he came back to the bedroom, he grabbed his clothes and his wallet and his phone without realizing what he was doing.

He got dressed and went downstairs and sat down. He was really still asleep, but he pulled out his phone and hit the speed dial for Neal. When Neal answered, Peter greeted him, "Hey Buddy, guess what happened tonight."

Neal said fuzzily, "Peter? What time is it? What happened? Are you okay?"

Peter said mournfully, "Not really. I tried to make love to Elizabeth tonight and I couldn't get it up."

"What? You couldn't get what up?" asked Neal, confused by the late night call.

"What do you think? I couldn't get my dick up. I couldn't make love to Elizabeth," Peter explained unselfconsciously.

"Uh, well, um, what can I do to help, Peter?" Neal asked curiously.

"Nothing. I'm going back to bed now. Took a pill so I could sleep," Peter said and disconnected the call.

"Peter, Peter?" Neal realized he was no longer on the line and didn't know what to do. He decided the best thing was just to go back to sleep and wait until morning.

In the morning, Peter waked up refreshed with a nice stiff erection. He had no recollection of calling Neal the night before. He woke Elizabeth and made love to her. In the light of day, his worries from the night before seemed exaggerated.

When Peter picked Neal up for work, Neal seemed a little awkward. Peter asked, "Is something bothering you, Buddy?"

Neal answered slowly, "No, not me. Is anything bothering you?"

Peter asked, "What do you mean? No, I feel great. Had a good night's sleep. Started the day out right in bed with my wife."

"Oh, I guess everything's okay then," Neal said, relieved.

"What do you mean? What do you think was wrong?" asked Peter suspiciously.

"Well, it's just, you know, when you called last night, you said...." Neal began.

Peter interrupted, "I didn't call you last night. Did El call you? I can't believe she would do that. After all, it only happened once."

Neal said unsurely, "Okay, but Elizabeth didn't call me. You did. You told me you couldn't..."

Peter interrupted again, "Don't say it! I took an Ambien that El gave me last night. I don't remember calling you."

"Oh, I've heard of that happening. Sometimes people get up while they're still asleep and do things and then they don't remember. Well, never mind. Let's just forget the whole thing," Neal told him.

"Oh, now I'm embarrassed. You'll never forget. What exactly did I tell you anyway?" Peter wondered.

"Just what you told me now. You know, that you couldn't.... I take it everything was okay this morning?" Neal asked uncomfortably.

"Yeah, everything was fine. Neal, has it ever happened to you? That you couldn't...? Peter asked nervously.

"No, I don't think so, but I understand it happens to everyone sooner or later," Neal said.

"You mean when they get old?" asked Peter irritably. "I'm not that old yet, am I?"

"No. I mean, no. Of course not," Neal stammered. He reached his hand over and touched Peter's thigh to reassure him.

Both men started laughing as Peter's cock rose to the occasion in response to Neal's light touch. Neal giggled, "Well, everything seems to be fine now!"

Peter swore, "If you ever bring it up again...." Neal laughed mischievously, "If I bring IT up again?"

"No! I mean if you ever bring this conversation up again, I'll kill you," Peter grinned.

"Consider it forgotten, Peter," Neal assured him, but he had a glint in his eye that Peter didn't trust.

After work, Peter found Neal and informed him, "El called and said she had to work late. Want to have dinner with me?"

"Sure, let's get takeout and bring it to my place," Neal suggested.

Peter drank a couple of beers while Neal drank wine. When they finished their meal, they moved over to the couch to watch the news. Neal lay back against Peter comfortably and began to casually stroke his leg.

Peter turned Neal to face him and gave him a probing kiss. Neal curled up closer and kissed back enthusiastically. Suddenly Peter sat up straight and moaned, "Oh no. Neal, it's happening again. I'm not getting hard."

Neal looked concerned and suggested, "Hey, just give it a few minutes. We just started."

Peter stood up. He said, "No, I'm going to go home. I don't want you to see me like this."

"Like what, Peter? Come on, it's okay," Neal insisted, reaching out for him.

"No, it's not. I'm going to go now. Maybe I'll have to go back to the doctor after all," Peter worried.

Neal got up and kissed him, but Peter wouldn't change his mind.

Peter pretended to be asleep when El got home. He didn't want them to be disappointed again. He felt depressed but he was able to sleep without any pills.

He was hard in the morning but they didn't have sex because El was in a hurry to get to work early.

Peter avoided Neal at work as much as he could. He felt anxious and upset. He wasn't old enough to be having erectile problems. He'd always had a lot of stamina in that department.

Peter took a deep breath and called his doctor for an appointment later in the week. He hoped maybe the problem would go away by itself before then, but just in case, he wanted to see if there was something he could do.

Neal was concerned. He wondered if Peter's problem was psychological. It seemed to have come on all of a sudden. He idly browsed the Internet in search of information.

Clinton Jones came up behind him and asked, "What are you finding so engrossing, Caffrey?"

Neal startled and quickly tried to the close the browser window, but Jones had already gotten a look. He suppressed a laugh and asked, "Been having some problems?"

Neal gasped, "No, I haven't. It's a friend of.... Oh, never mind. Why are you looking over my shoulder anyway?"

"Hey, take it easy. I didn't mean to intrude," Jones placated. "My cousin had that problem and it really upset him. I felt sorry for the guy."

"No, it's really not me, Jones," Neal repeated, "but what did your cousin do about it anyway?"

"I think he ended up taking Viagra or Cialis or one of those ED drugs. It turned out he had diabetes and high blood pressure and he was overweight, too."

"Oh, well, I don't think my friend has any of those problems," Neal mused.

"Well, tell your 'friend' not to worry. It's probably just stress or something," Jones advised.

"Clinton?" Neal asked, "Has it ever happened to you?"

"Me? No!" Jones scoffed. "Hell, I haven't had sex for so long I can't remember, but everything is working okay."

"Keep in practice, do you?" Neal teased. "Just in case?"

Peter came by and jumped in, "Keep in practice at what? What are you guys talking about?"

Jones said quickly, "Baseball." And Neal interjected simultaneously, "The firing range."

Peter stared at them both and said, "Mmmhmm. What's going on here really?"

This time Jones and Neal quickly responded together, "Nothing."

Peter felt his head start to ache. He barked, "Neal! My office, right now."

Neal was dejected as he followed Peter to his office. He knew what Peter must be thinking.

"So you told Jones I was having trouble getting an erection?" asked Peter incredulously.

"No! Peter, no. I wouldn't. I didn't. He thought I was the one who was having trouble," Neal tried to explain.

"Why would he think that?" Peter questioned. "Why were you even talking about it?"

Neal sighed, "We weren't, Peter. He saw me looking up 'erectile dysfunction' on the Internet."

"Oh, wonderful," groused Peter, putting his head in his hands. "Neal, I'm going to the doctor later this week, so you can stop worrying about it."

"Ooh, if he gives you Viagra, can I try some of it? I always wondered what it was like," enthused Neal.

"No! What is wrong with you? You can't just go around taking other people's prescriptions!"

"You mean like El's Ambien?" Neal reminded him. Peter sighed, "Get out of here. Don't you have work to do?"

Neal laughed, "I don't think Mortensen is done yet. I'm sure I can find something." He paused and added, "I'm sorry, Peter. I'd never try to embarrass you."

"Oh, I know," Peter admitted. "I'm just feeling awfully sensitive about it."

Neal suggested, "Peter, what I read on the Internet said it could just be fatigue or depression or anxiety and something simple like rest and exercise could help."

"Okay, I'll keep it in mind," Peter replied listlessly. Neal went over and casually kissed him on top of his head before he went back to his own desk.

Peter went to the restroom to get out of sight. He felt like crying. Who ever heard of an impotent FBI agent? It went against his entire self image. He was a man with not only a sexy wife, but a hot young lover, too. He was affectionate and sexual by nature. It was an integral part of who he was.

Peter avoided both El and Neal all week. He just didn't think he could face either of them if he couldn't get it up. He didn't even feel like jacking off.

When he finally got to his doctor appointment, Peter was a wreck. He described his fears that he was no longer the man he used to be and said he felt like he was getting old.

Dr. Willey listened empathetically. He gave him some Viagra samples, but he also suggested that Peter start on Zoloft, an SSRI antidepressant. He was worried by how upset Peter seemed to be.

Peter complained to El, "Dr. Willey just keeps giving me more pills. I'm becoming a goddamned invalid."

El suggested, "Well, let's try the little blue one and see what happens!"

Peter said halfheartedly, "I guess. You'll never believe this, but Neal asked if he could try one."

El laughed, "You're kidding? Neal Caffrey has this problem, too?"

"No, no. He just wanted to try the pills. I guess some men think they'll increase their libido or something, although Neal certainly doesn't have a problem with that," Peter chuckled.

El reminded him, "You never have either, Hon. I mean, have you? Peter, do you have this with Neal, too, or just with me?"

Peter winced, "No, it's with Neal, too. Hon, can we not talk about this anymore. I'm just getting more depressed."

"Well, I hate to see you taking so many medications, but I guess if they help you, it's okay," El said. "You take your time and let me know when you're ready. No pressure."

Peter pointed out, "The doc said it might take a couple of weeks before the antidepressants kick in. I hope the side effects won't be too bad."

On Saturday, El was tied up with an event that would keep her out until very late. Peter drank a couple of beers and then called Neal. He told him, "I'm going crazy sitting around by myself worrying about things. Could I come over and hang out with you for awhile?"

Neal smiled, "Of course, Peter. I miss you."

Peter drank a couple of more beers at Neal's and Neal joined him. They were feeling relaxed and Neal asked, "So, have you tried the little blue pill yet?"

Peter grinned, "No, but there's no time like the present. Here goes nothing."

They drank one more beer and Peter was feeling loose and sexy. He got nice and hard as he fondled Neal and they kissed.

Neal slowly undressed them, taking time to kiss and stroke Peter's skin as he exposed it. When their clothes were off, Peter aggressively threw Neal onto the bed and attacked him with enthusiasm. Neal laughed and responded excitedly.

Peter found he could maintain his erection longer than usual and enjoyed slowly driving Neal crazy with desire. Neal finally burst into uncontrollable orgasmic spasms. Peter soon followed, overjoyed by the intensity of his climax.

As they lay catching their breath and cooling down, Neal exclaimed, "Wow, Peter! Everything sure worked fine that time!"

Peter beamed with pleasure. He said, "Yeah, I guess I don't mind taking medicine if that's the result."

Neal curled into him and smoothed his hand over the warm flushed skin on Peter's arms and back. He loved cuddling after sex. It always felt so intimate and soothing to him.

Peter fell asleep and Neal watched him fondly. He loved Peter and it was nice to see him so relaxed. Peter had been so nervous and depressed lately. Neal vowed to try to get Peter to go out and have some fun and not dwell on whatever problems he was having.

On Sunday, Peter took the Viagra to have sex with El and had another good experience except for a mild headache. He lay back satisfied feeling El's soft hair falling across his chest and he put his hand on her warm firm breast. He sighed happily, "I love you, Hon."

In a half an hour, Peter was ready to go again. Elizabeth laughed and accommodated him with a great blowjob. Peter said, "Mmm, I could get used to this."

On Monday afternoon, Reese Hughes called Peter into his office. He wasted no time in asking, "Peter, what's all this about you going to the doctor so often. Are you having health problems?"

Peter stammered, "N-no, Reese. Not really. I mean, isn't that supposed to be confidential information?"

"Not if affects your ability to perform your duties. Peter, I need to know what's going on. Are you looking for a desk job?" Hughes persisted.

"No! I don't want a desk job. Dr. Willey says I have an ulcer and high cholesterol and blood pressure and depression but he's given me medications for all of them," Peter explained.

"I don't like it," Reese scowled. "Why are you having all these problems all of a sudden? I want you to get a second opinion from my physician, Dr. Stein. He isn't connected to the Bureau. I don't trust this new young Dr. Willey."

Peter agreed, "Okay, if you think it's a good idea, I will. Um, Reese, have you ever had, that is have you, um, ever had any trouble with, well, you know, getting hard?"

Hughes chuckled, "Oh Peter, I guess every man has a little trouble every now and then. It's usually just from being tired or stressed or even from drinking too much. It happens. You're not worrying about that, are you?"

Peter mumbled, "Well, yeah, kind of, I mean it never happened to me before. But the doctor gave me pills for it and they're working fine."

Reese frowned, "Peter, you get that second opinion as soon as you can, okay?"

Later in private, Peter confided to Neal what Hughes had told him. He was confused because he didn't see any reason to doubt what the doctor had told him.

Neal encouraged him. "Peter, I think Hughes is right. You should get another opinion. There's something funny about you needing to take all this medicine all of a sudden. You've always been so healthy."

Peter said irritably, "That's easy for you to say. You're still so young. You're not having all these problems."

Neal shrugged, "I still think some exercise would help. Do you want to come swimming with me? Or I'll even go to the gym or go running with you, if you want."

Peter relented, "You're a good friend, Neal. I'm sorry I've been grouchy. I'm just not used to thinking of myself as an old man."

Neal teased, "And I don't think you should get used to it, either! You're too sexy to be an old broken down wreck."

Peter pushed Neal up against a wall and rutted against him. He growled, "Old wreck, indeed! Come here and I'll show you I'm not done yet."

Neal pushed back and took Peter's face in his hands and gave him a long sexy kiss. He cooed, "Ooh, show me!"

They struggled with their zippers and let their pants fall around their ankles. Their hard cocks mingled and rubbed and pressed together. They began frotting furiously, panting and moaning and kissing the whole time. They ran their hands over each other's muscular bodies and Neal grabbed Peter's ass and squeezed it. Peter put his hands around their turgid cocks and jerked them to climax.

As their cum flowed over his hand, Peter groaned, "Oh, Neal, what you do to me."

Neal grabbed his handkerchief and wiped them off and giggled, "Who needs Viagra?"

Peter paused and realized it was true. He hadn't needed anything except some teasing and fondling and an exciting partner. He ruffled Neal's soft hair and kissed him gratefully.

When Peter kept his appointment with Dr. Ezra Stein, the internist that Hughes had recommended to him, the doctor took a thorough medical history, drew blood and performed a cardiac stress test. He was kind, but professional, and he explained that Peter would have to come back in a few days for the test results.

Dr. Stein assured Peter that everything looked okay, but he wanted to wait for all the tests to be completed before he offered his diagnosis. Peter was on pins and needles while he waited, but he tried not to be irritable. Mostly, he just seemed preoccupied.

At his next appointment, the internist took Peter into his office and asked him to sit down. He smiled at Peter and told him, "I have some good news for you, Agent Burke. I don't want you to get upset about this, but I'm afraid you have been severely over diagnosed and over treated by your current physician."

Peter questioned, "What do you mean? Over diagnosed and over treated? What is that?"

"Well, I understand that Dr. Willey is new to our profession, which means he is inexperienced. He took your symptoms of mild heartburn, isolated elevated blood pressure and cholesterol readings, and some normal anxiety over a stressful life situation and diagnosed them as an ulcer, chronic hypertension, and clinical depression. Frankly, I don't believe any of those diagnoses are correct," Dr. Stein informed him.

"You don't? What about the prescription medicines I'm taking? Are you saying they're unnecessary?" Peter wondered.

"Yes, I am saying they are unnecessary. Furthermore, I’m pretty sure those medications are what caused your erectile dysfunction," explained Dr. Stein.

"Oh no, you're kidding!" Peter anguished. "You mean it was just a side effect of the medicines I was taking?"

Dr Stein nodded, "That's quite likely. Of course, it could also have just been that you were tired or stressed. Alcohol can exacerbate the problem, too. Anyway, most men find themselves in that condition once in a while for one reason or another, especially when they are over forty years old. If you never have before, you were just lucky."

Peter stammered, "I just can't believe this. Something should be done about Dr. Willey before he hurts anyone else. He must be totally incompetent."

"No, not really," smiled Dr. Stein. "I'll call him and talk to him. I think he's just a little over eager to diagnose and treat things that really don't require medical intervention. It's a common rookie mistake. In your case, unfortunately, it worked to your detriment."

"Will you at least tell Reese Hughes, in case he wants to do anything. Agent Hughes is the one who referred me to you. Otherwise, I might have gone on thinking I had serious medical problems," worried Peter.

"I'll discuss it with him. He may want to have someone come in from outside to review Dr. Willey's cases, but Dr. Willey will probably go back and reconsider them himself once I call his attention to his missteps in your case," said Dr. Stein.

"Well, okay. I'll leave it to you then. So are you saying I don't need to take any of my medications?" Peter asked.

"Yes, that's what I'm saying, but I need to taper you off of the Lopressor. It's a beta blocker drug that you can't just quit taking without risking ill effects. It won't take long since you're on a fairly low dose. I'll need to follow you to check your vital signs and repeat your blood tests until you're off all the medication," Dr. Stein explained.

"What if my symptoms come back when I stop taking the pills?" worried Peter.

Dr. Stein smiled, "Well, we can always treat you if necessary, but I suspect most of your problems can be improved by getting enough sleep and a regular exercise regime. Even your cholesterol level should be able to be controlled with attention to your diet and exercise.

Peter sought Neal out as soon as he returned from the doctor's office. He couldn't wait to tell Neal he was healthy. Neal gave him a broad grin and said, "I knew it! I knew you weren't getting sick or old."

Peter admitted ruefully, "Dr. Stein said I should get regular exercise, too, just like you said."

Neal asked, "Have you told Elizabeth yet? I know she's been worried about you."

Peter asked suspiciously, "Have you two been talking behind my back? Worrying about the old man?"

"No, no, really. I haven't talked to anybody about you, Peter," Neal protested.

"I believe you," said Peter affectionately, "Come on, Sundance. Let's go to your place and celebrate. I'll call El on the way."

"Okay, Butch. You got it. Only could we try out those Viagras anyway? I always wondered what that feels like," Neal teased.

"No! I've had it with unnecessary prescription medicines! The last thing I need is you with an insatiable erection," Peter laughed. He patted Neal's perfect ass on the way down in the elevator. "I've got my hands full with you as it is!"

**Author's Note:**

> http://www.medicaldaily.com/prescription-drugs-and-erectile-dysfunction-5-drugs-keeping-men-down-302222
> 
> (No specific claims are being made about any of the prescription meds referred to in this story.)
> 
> The White Collar characters were created by Jeff Eastin for the series on USA TV. The doctors in this story are entirely fictional, invented by Joycee.


End file.
